The Encyclopedia Frobozzica
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Fanucci - For a partial description of this famous game, see
Feeb is a derogatory term often used by Implementors, among others, to describe a particularly stupid and dense individual.
Lord Feepness was the voice of sanity and moderation among Lord
Dimwit's advisors. Three examples clearly prove this point. In
777 GUE Dimwit planned to build a Royal Museum under 2 miles of
mountain and surrounded by 500 feet of steel. Historical evidence
suggests that Feepness deterred Dimwit from this extreme plan,
but was less successful in other matters.
When Dimwit conceived of a massive underground flood control
dam with thousands of gates, Lord Feepness asked the king,
"Wouldn't that be just a tad excessive?" These words of wisdom
were ignored, and the history books say nothing more of Lord
Feepness until the 14th of Mumberbur, 789 GUE. On this day, hours
before Dimwit died, the king conceived of a plan to construct a
new continent, whose outline and contours would be a gigantic
reproduction of his own visage. However, the empire simply did
not have enough money to build it, and Lord Feepness pointed out
that raising the tax rate from 98% to 100% simply would not be a
wise political move.
Fenshire is a swampy region which stretches east of the Flathead
Mountains to the edge of the world. The summer castle of the
Flatheads was located in a remote section of Fenshire.
Barbazzo Fernap - Please see the entry under Jesters.
Festeron is a small village on the east coast of
quiet town, Festeron is intensely proud of its history, dedicating statues and minting coins in the memory of its founding
fathers and military heroes. Previously noted only for its exemplary postal service, Festeron found its way into the annals of
history sometime during the tenth century during the reign of
The Evil One.
This mysterious sorceress magically transformed the
innocent town of Festeron into an evil, hideous place called
Witchville, where every normal person or place became a twisted
and wicked version of itself. Luckily for Festeron, The Evil One
was vanquished by an employee of the aforementioned postal service, and everything was returned to normal.
Fibbsbozza is a leading manufacturer of magic scrolls and
The Fields of Frotzen, fertile farmland in the heart of Gurth
province, produce an annual bounty of grain and are frequently
referred to as the Breadbasket of Quendor. These Fields are home
to packs of
and the last known specimen of the
grows there. The area surrounding the Fields is
prone to frequent storms, which makes travel in the area very
difficult. The location that is equivalent to Frotzen in the
Ethereal Plane of Atrii
is the home of the Implementors. Those
that are obsessed with trivia might like to know that the distance between signposts in Frotzen is 120
The Final Conclave The year 966 saw the failure of the very
fabric of Magic. The reasons leading to the end of the Age of
Magic make a very confusing tale. It seems that every time an
enchanter casts a spell, a shadow of that enchanter is created.
The more powerful the enchanter, the more powerful this shadow
becomes. In 966 the leader of the Circle of Enchanters, who vanquished Krill and Jeearr, was a very powerful enchanter indeed,
and his shadow had taken a real form.
This Shadow had a dream: to hold sway over all of the world.
To accomplish this goal he needed the
Cubes of Foundation, which
he could only obtain with the assistance of his human counterpart. When the Shadow began to tamper with the force of Magic
via the few Cubes already in his possession, the Head of the
Circle was unwittingly drawn into the Shadow's game. The unreliability of Magic caused by the Shadow lead to an emergency Conclave of Enchanters to discuss the situation.
This Conclave, held on 14 August 966 in Guild Hall at Borphee, was attended by every guildmaster and major enchanter,
such as Sneffle, Hoobly, Gzornenplatz, and Ardic, were also present to discuss the failure of Magic. The course of this discussion was interrupted when the Shadow of the Head of the Circle
enterred the Hall and turned everyone except his human counterpart into various amphibious creatures. This sent the Head of the
Circle venturing out into the world to seek some answers.
Meanwhile, the newly-created newts and toads were able to
continue their discussion. They quickly realized that the Age of
Magic was coming to a close. The sorceress Y'Gael suggested using the
Coconut of Quendor
as a container in which to preserve all of
the knowledge of Magic for a later Age. A local peasant was soon
sent on the dangerous task of finding the Coconut.
The Head of the Circle managed to recover most of the Cubes
of Foundation, which eventually led him to the stronghold of his
Shadow. Before this conflict with the Shadow, the Coconut of
Quendor was found, and the Enchanters at the Conclave, who had
used their powers to return to human form, were able to store the
knowledge of the Age of Magic inside the Coconut. Meanwhile the
Head of the Circle had finally encountered his evil double. In
this final conflict the Cubes of Foundation were destroyed, and
this drew the Age of Magic to a close.
Fisha is a small wand producer in Foozle, specializing in Wands
of Inanimation. Their wands tend to have a very limited life.
Flamingos are common garden animals.
Abraham Flathead, a great statesman from an unknown time period,
is best noted for his famous quote, "A home that's cut in half
usually falls over."
Babe Flathead (748 - 789 GUE): Often called the flattest of the
Flatheads, Babe, the youngest of the twelve, was born with an
aptitude for sport. He demonstrated his dexterity and coordination early on, throwing baby blocks at his older siblings with
impressive speed and accuracy.
As a youth, he was always captain of the Little League teams,
thanks in part to pressure applied by his uncle, Mayor Fiorello
Flathead. Even as a teenager, he was something of a lady's man
and a party animal, and his older brother Dimwit would frequently
have to bail the Babe out of jail following one infraction or
another. By all accounts, Babe and Dimwit, despite their 25-year
age difference, were closest of all the Flathead siblings.
When he reached college age, Babe selected Mithicus Province
University from amongst many eager suitors. At MPU, Babe was a
43-letter man, leading his team to championships in every existing college sport and several non-existent ones as well. (Many
experts feel that Babe's teams would have won these championships even if every competing school had NOT had their QCAA memberships revoked.)
Throughout the Babe's professional sports career, he excelled
in everything he tried: bocce, tag-team kayaking, full-court
furbish. There was only one exception. Try as he might, Babe
could not master
Even the unexplained disappearances of the 339 leading
Double Fanucci players failed to get
Babe into the championships. Fanucci experts believe that Babe's
difficulty with the game could be traced to one weakness: his
failure to remember that three undertrumps after an opponent's
discard of a Trebled Fromp is an indefensible gambit.
By 782 GUE, the Babe was such a phenomenal drawing card that
Dimwit constructed the kingdom's largest sporting arena, Flathead
Stadium, in his honor. It was there, during the shark-wrestling
semi-finals in 789 GUE, that the youngest of the Twelve Flatheads
met his end.
Barbawit Flathead was the tenth king of the
Flathead Dynasty. He
came to the throne after Duncwit, and was succeeded by Idwit
Oogle. He reigned from Flatheadia in the years 843-845.
The Flathead Calendar of 883 GUE - This calendar contains Leonardo
Flathead's famous portraits of the Twelve Flatheads. [ Ed. - The
originals can be seen in the gallery at Flatheadia Castle.] Leonardo
brilliantly captured the varied personalities of the siblings on canvas
over a span of seventeen years, starting with his own self-portrait
in 766 GUE and finishing with his coronation portrait of King Dimwit
in 783 GUE.
For informational purposes, the names and lengths of the months follow:
- Estuary, 31 days.
- Frobuary, 35 days.
- Arch, 31 days.
- Oracle, 30 days.
- Mage, 31 days.
- Jam, 30 days.
- Jelly, 31 days.
- Augur, 31 days.
- Suspendur, 30 days.
- Ottobur, 31 days.
- Mumberber, 30 days.
- Dismembur, 31 days.
Lord Dimwit Flathead the Excessive, the great-great-great-great-grandson of
ruled the Great Underground Empire from 770 GUE
to 789 GUE. He was the seventh king of the
coming to the throne after Mumberthrax, and before Loowit. Born
in 723 GUE, Dimwit was Mumberthrax's firstborn, and grew up as
heir to the throne of Quendor. A tad spoiled, little Dimwit was
fond of torturing his nannies in the
Egreth Castle dungeon.
Dimwit spent most of his early adulthood vacationing (with
40,000 attendants) in the sparsely populated Eastlands across the
Great Sea. Dimwit despised the outdoors, and he was petrified of
rain, which puddled embarrassingly on his level pate. He soon
became enthralled by the underground caverns in those areas, an
interest that was to change the course of the Kingdom.
When Mumberthrax felt death's icy hand in 770 GUE, Dimwit
began his reign. Described by
Boswell Barwell as "vibrant," Dimwit has also been portrayed as "the single worst ruler the Empire
ever produced." (The Great Underground Empire: A History, by
Froboz Mumbar) Dimwit moved the capital of Quendor from Egreth in
the Westlands to Aragain in
the Eastlands on 14 Jam 771. Aragain,
a small village, was transformed and renamed Flatheadia. Another
indication of Dimwit's vanity was his renaming of the Great Sea
to the Flathead Ocean. Dimwit also decreed that Quendor be called
"The Great Underground Empire." These names are now used interchangeably.
Lord Dimwit's vanity was surpassed only by his outrageous
sense of proportion. For example, his coronation took 13 years to
plan (and therefore took place two-thirds of the way through his
reign), lasted an additional year and a half, and cost 12 times
the Empire's GNP. This incredible ceremony quickly earned him the
nickname Lord Dimwit Flathead the Excessive. More evidence of his
excessiveness came in 783 when, on a whim, he ordered the erection of Flood Control Dam #3, an underground project whose uselessness (it never rains underground!) and its cost (37 million
did not diminish its magnificence. He also had huge
granola smelters built near the
Antharian Granola Mines of Plumbat.
Dimwit also developed an incredible urge for odd candies. He
commissioned the Frobozz Magic Candy Company to make him candied
grasshoppers, chocolate ants, and worms glacee. His love for
these was only surpassed by his desire for rare
In order to indulge his bottomless appetite, he ordered
the excavation of entire forests where the truffles grew.
Another of Lord Dimwit's accomplishments was the creation of the
Royal Museum to house the crown jewels. Built in 776 GUE and
dedicated the next year, this Museum had incredibly tight security that actually showed restraint on the part of the king. He
had originally planned to build the museum under two miles of
mountain, and surround it with 500 feet of steel. This rare
moment of self-control was probably due in some part to the sound
advice of one of his chief advisors, Lord Feepness. His other
of Gurth, was probably too frightened to give his
opinion in the matter.
Some bitter chroniclers have described Dimwit's castle at
Flatheadia as his biggest folly. It covered 8600 square
and housed, at one time, over 90% of the empire's population.
At this point, discerning readers will have noted that all of
Dimwit's acts seemed to have been to gratify his ego. This, however, is not true. When the
Endless Fire of 773 destroyed the
city of Mareilon, Lord Dimwit Flathead issued over the following
few weeks a series of 5,521 edicts severely limiting access to
magic, and, incidentally, lawyers. These edicts resulted in the
blossoming of the highly successful institutions of the
Guilds of Enchanters.
Lord Dimwit gave all of his underground projects to the Frobozz Magic Cave Company, chiefly because his brother, John D.
Flathead, was President of FrobozzCo International, the Magic
Cave Company's parent company. Another of Dimwit's projects that
involved the Cave Company was his plan to quench and then hollow
out a mighty volcano near Flatheadia. Dimwit was fond of this
idea, and personally reviewed the plans at each stage.
After the volcano project was finished, the king conceived of
two more stupendous projects. The second idea, never to be realized, was the creation of a new continent in the center of the
Flathead Ocean. The outline and contours of the new continent
would have been a gigantic reproduction of his own visage. Fortunately for mapmakers, Dimwit passed away in 789 before he could
accomplish his final goal. Not surprisingly, his vanity would
bring about the end of his Empire, and his life.
In 789 Dimwit ordered the defoliation of 1400 square
of lush forest in the Fublio Valley to erect a nine-bloit-high
statue of himself, lending credence to the Royal motto, "A truly
great ruler is larger than life." One resident of Fublio Valley
was not impressed. The matter came to a head at a banquet thrown
by Dimwit to celebrate his new statue. This banquet, a minor
affair that used 300
dragons to feed a few thousand guests, saw
the conception of the last two royal proposals of Dimwit's reign.
Wishing to have a dedication for his statue, he suggested giving
everyone in the Kingdom a year off, and inviting them to Fublio
Valley. The second main topic of discussion at the banquet was
Dimwit's idea for a new continent. The empire simply did not have
enough money to build it, and Lord Feepness, the voice of sanity
in the realm, pointed out that raising the tax rate from 98% to
100% simply would not be a wise political move. Lord Dimwit,
never satisfied, proposed adopting everyone in the Kingdom and
telling them that he'd cut off their allowances.
Just at that moment, the great mage Megaboz appeared amidst a
cloud of smoke. Furious at the statue darkening his home of
Fublio Valley, he cursed Dimwit's life, family, and Empire. In
only a few moments, Lord Dimwit and his eleven siblings came to a
sudden death, thus ending one of the most colorful chapters in
the history of Quendor. The court magicians were able to postpone
the other effects of Megaboz's
Curse for quite some time. Ninety-four years later, on 14 Mumberbur 883, in the reign of Wurb
Flathead, the Empire came to an end. Flatheadia was destroyed,
and the age of the Flathead Dynasty was over.
Duncwit Flathead was the ninth king of the
Flathead Dynasty. He
came to the throne after Loowit, and was succeeded by Barbawit.
He reigned from Flatheadia in the years 813-843.
Elvis Flathead was a hit singer who lived during the ninth century GUE. He is best known for his hit songs, "Love Is Blind,"
and "Hellhound," as in "You ain't nothing but a - ." His first
concert was in 841 GUE.
Ernie Flathead was the manager of numerous coal mines in the
Great Underground Empire, most notably Coal Mine #502, located
close to the Great Underground Highway #2, near
Egreth. He most
likely lived during the reign of
in the seventh century GUE.
Fiorello Flathead This man, alive in the 8th century GUE, was
the brother of King Mumberthrax. Fiorello is not an example of an
honest, moral citizen. This is best shown by the pressure he
exerted on the coaches of various Little League athletic teams in
order to ensure that his nephew, Babe Flathead, was always captain of the team. It is also known that Flathead attained the
office of Mayor, although it is uncertain in which city he did
Frank Lloyd Flathead (741 - 789 GUE) As children, all the Flathead siblings adored playing with blocks. (
Nanny Beeble, governess
to the children, recalls that many had teams of slaves whose
exclusive job it was to move the larger blocks.) However, only
Frank Lloyd drew plans before building.
Frank Lloyd got his big break at the tender age of 17, when
his father, King Mumberthrax, commissioned him to design a new
The resulting wing was breathtakingly
impressive. As Frank Lloyd himself wrote, "the conjunction of
space and time seems to interface in a pre-subjected instantiation of the underrepresented whole." Frank Lloyd became, overnight, the hottest architect in the Kingdom. (The fact that the
new wing of Egreth collapsed two years later, killing over 4,000
royal guests, was credited to a miscalculation on the stonemason's part. He was summarily executed.)
His reputation established, Frank Lloyd designed virtually
every important Quendorian building during his three decades as
Official Court Architect. His designs ranged from his vacation
chalet in the Gray Mountains to the Great Meeting Hall of the
Enchanters' Guild in
but Frank Lloyd is best known for
his most ambitious work: the 400-story FrobozzCo Building in
Overlooking exaggerations such as "on a clear day you can see
the FrobozzCo Building from anywhere in the world," it is still
the most ambitious building ever designed or built. A FrobozzCo
Building address is most prestigious, and Frank Lloyd himself had
a penthouse office, until a slight case of acrophobia forced him
to relocate to a nineteenth-story office with a pleasant southern
The carcinogenic chemicals used in the eighth century to
create blueprints finally took their toll on Frank Lloyd, and he
died in 789 GUE.
Idwit Oogle Flathead was the eleventh king of the
and father of Wurb Flathead. Idwit came to the throne
after Barbawit, and reigned from Flatheadia in the years 845-881,
when he was succeeded by his son.
J. Pierpont Flathead (730 - 789 GUE) As a child, J. Pierpont
demonstrated both the flair for capitalism and the resourcefulness which would make him the most successful banker in all of
Quendor. The enterprising eight-year-old opened a lemonade stand
in the center of
Egreth Village, using the royal
militia to force
citizens to buy the lemonade. At spearpoint, most people were
willing to pay little J. Pierpont's exorbitant price of 300
zorkmids per glass. Ice was extra.
He also used the militia to quash the other lemonade stands
in the city, and later to shut off all other beverage sources as
well. As the prices at his lemonade stand soared into quadruple
digits, J. Pierpoint quickly realized the benefits of monopolies.
In 749, at the age of nineteen, J. Pierpont became a clerk at the
Bank of Zork.
Six weeks later, following a rash of disappearances
of his successive bosses, J. Pierpont became the youngest Chairman of the Board in the bank's history, a testament to his financial acumen.
As Chairman, he used his royal connections to eliminate all
competing banks, increasing the Bank of Zork's market share from
99.2% to 100%. (He was later able to increase this number to 131%
by encouraging customers to deposit their money several times.)
He also supervised the installation of the latest magic-based
security techniques to guard the bank's vault and deposit box
areas. For unknown reasons, J. Pierpont hired exclusively gnomes
to fill his teller and security positions.
J. Pierpont Flathead served as the Chairman of the Board
until his odd disappearance in 789 GUE, when he entered one of
the bank's vaults and never re-emerged. Although gone, he is not
forgotten; reproductions of his portrait still hang in every
branch of the Bank of Zork.
Johann Sebastian Flathead (728 - 789 GUE) In 732 GUE, the Frobozz Philharmonic Orchestra was formed. Because of the woeful
lack of orchestral music in existence, the FPO usually settled
for playing baroque versions of old folk tunes and popular dance
numbers. Seven years later, the FPO performed their first symphony. The piece was notable because of the age of its author, a
precocious eleven-year-old named Johann Sebastian Flathead.
As he matured, Johann's symphonies increased in length, while
his audiences mysteriously decreased in size. (No reasonable
postulation has been made to explain Johann's lack of popularity.
It is the belief of this author that the short attention span of
the general public precluded it from sitting still for the whole
of one of his symphonies.) His Symphony #981, the so-called Infinite Symphony, contained over 60,000 movements; over the course
of its only performace, several members of the orchestra retired
and were replaced by their children or grandchildren.
Dimwit recognized a kindred spirit in his younger brother,
and appointed him official court composer in 771. Later that
year, he wrote his famous "Flatheadia Overture for Rack and Pendulum" to celebrate the dedication of Dimwit's new dungeon.
He spent his latter years composing music for ever more grandiose
instruments, such as his Concerto for Woodwinds and Waterfalls.
Johann was killed in 789 when a mishap occurred during a rehearsal of his Minuet for Violin and Volcano.
John D. Flathead (725 - 789 GUE)
King Duncanthrax formed the
Frobozz Magic Construction Company in 667 GUE to enlarge the
underground caverns of
the Eastlands. Affiliated companies, such
as the Frobozz Magic Dirt Disposal Company, and the Frobozz Magic
Underground Sewer Installation Company, soon followed. The next
year, FrobozzCo International was formed as a parent company for
the burgeoning subsidiaries.
By 743, there were more than 17,000 subsidiaries of FrobozzCo. That same year, a young entrepreneur named John D.
Flathead graduated from the venerable
Borphee Business School.
At age 22, John D. founded Flathead Industries. FI's business was
inventing other companies, which it would then sell to FrobozzCo.
Within three years, FI had an annual income of 80,000,000 zorkmids. Eventually, the conglomerate decided to buy FI, renaming it
the Frobozz Magic Company Company. John D. became one of FrobozzCo's 39,000 vice-presidents.
It didn't take John D. long to parlay his business acumen and
royal connections into the chairmanship of FrobozzCo. Years of
heady growth followed. When John D.'s older brother Dimwit became
king, FrobozzCo received every contract for Dimwit's incredible
projects. Hundreds of new subsidiaries were formed daily; in 781
a huge 400-story headquarters opened in Flatheadia.
John D.'s long-time goal was for FrobozzCo to control every
of commerce in the Great Underground Empire. The
lone holdout, a small rutabaga farm in Mithicus, finally sold out
to FrobozzCo in 789. John D. never heard the news, however. He
disappeared, along with a huge entourage, while touring the factories of the Frobozz Magic Snowmaking Equipment Company in the
John D. Flathead II - X were all descendants of the original John
D., and were, like him, all chairmen of FrobozzCo International
at one time or another. The only specific date we have on file is
that John D. X took over the Chairmanship of the Board from his
father on the first of February, 948.
John Paul Flathead (738 - 789 GUE) All the Flathead aunts and
uncles predicted early on that John Paul would find his destiny
at sea. He loved boats so much that the royal carpenters were
ordered to produce a flotilla of 1,400 vessels for his bathtub.
(His bathtub had to be consequently enlarged; a large inland sea
From an early age, John Paul suffered from an inferiority
complex derived from being the second "John" among the Flathead
children. (In his autobiography, Mumberthrax explains that when
he named John Paul he "simply forgot about John D.") This complex
made John Paul determined to become a world-famous seafaring
At sea, his feats ranged from the courageous (he was the
first person to traverse the Great Sea in a one-man ship) to the
curious (he set a new record for the most circumnavigations of
on a raft towed by groupers).
In 766 GUE, at the age of 28, John Paul joined the royal
navy; by 771, he was the ranking admiral; by 773, every ship in
the navy had been sunk or lost at sea. John Paul retired shortly
He spent his latter days touring the Flathead Ocean, collecting curious and unusual pets from all corners of the world. Among
the most interesting: a large blue toad named "Otto" who was
known for his extraordinary appetite and his curmudgeonly personality.
John Paul died in 789 GUE, during a vacation in Grubbo-bythe-Sea, when his old nemesis, the great white jellyfish, finally
caught up with him.
Leonardo Flathead (731 - 789 GUE) Little notice was taken of Leonardo Flathead as a child. He was shy and quiet, and quite overshadowed by his aggressive older brothers. It wasn't until his
arrival at Galepath University that his genius blossomed and the
world began to take notice.
While at the University, Leonardo wrote several major treatises which revolutionized scientific thought. The most famous of
these disproved the hoary myth that the world sits on the back of
a giant turtle, proving instead that the world actually rests on
the head of an enormous troll.
After his University days were over, Leonardo turned from
science to art. He became the most famous painter in the land:
noblemen from every province were escorted to his studio by Dimwit's personal militia to have their portraits painted.
Unfortunately, during his later years Leonardo became quite
senile, and his painting style deteriorated. He took to flinging
paint at his canvases in much the same way that a
flings bits of dough into a hot oven to make Frobolli Cakes. His
studio became caked with layer upon layer of splattered paint. It
was during this period that his famous incomplete work,
"Obstructed View of Fjord," was lost.
Leonardo made a final, feeble attempt to recapture his former
greatness by moving to other media beside paint, but these
efforts led to his tragic end. In 789, while working on a large
statue intended for the harbor of
he suffered a fatal plunge into a vat of molten granola.
Leo "The Lip" Flathead A renowned card-shark.
Loowit Flathead was the eighth king of the
Flathead Dynasty. He
came to the throne after Dimwit, and was succeeded by Duncwit. He
reigned from Flatheadia in the years 789-813.
Lucrezia Flathead (735 - 789 GUE) Of all the Twelve Flatheads, it is
most difficult to separate history from legend when studying
Lucrezia, the only sister to eleven aggressive brothers. Showing
a total lack of understanding for her delicate position, detractors have cruelly tried to claim that Lucrezia had a warped mind.
At the tender age of sixteen, Lucrezia married a very rich but
very old nobleman from Gurth,
Marcus Bzart-Foodle. Ten-and-a-half
months later, he died in bed with his bride. Afterward, BzartFoodle's doctor could not recall whether he had warned Lucrezia
to avoid over-exciting her husband's weak heart.
Lucrezia's second husband, a wealthy land baron from Mareilon
named Oddzoe Glorb III, was found dead just five weeks after the
wedding, his body mangled by hellhounds. It was quite understandable that Lucrezia had her multi-volume hellhound training manual removed from the house at once; the sight of it must have
brought back tragic memories.
Five days later, Lucrezia sought consolation in a third marriage, to the Governor of
Hirax Mumbleton. Only two
days after that, Antharia was without a governor. Hirax had been
discovered in his office, smothered under a ton of raw granola.
His sobbing widow immediately cancelled delivery of her daily
truckloads of granola, in order to avoid any similar tragedies.
After her next fifteen husbands, all wealthy lords, died in
their wedding nights, royal insiders reported that she was so
distraught by her tragic string of bad luck that she was becoming
dangerously suicidal. Elder brother Dimwit was finally forced
into action, and had her locked up in a cell in the dungeon for
her own safety. She languished in that cell for the remaining
fifteen years of her life. During this period, some 1,800 prison
guards were mysteriously poisoned. Some legends say that her own
death, in 789, was self-induced.
Mumberthrax Flathead the Insignificant, the sixth king of the
Flathead Dynasty, ruled the kingdom from
Egreth Castle during the
years 755-770 GUE. Historians note that Mumberthrax's reign was significant for exactly thirteen, and only thirteen, reasons. The
first reason was his royal decree that made
Double Fanucci the
National Sport of Quendor. As for the other reasons, Boswell Barwell writes that "Mumberthrax's place in history was secured by
the one thing at which Flatheads tended to excel: procreation."
Mumberthrax was the father of the famed Twelve Flatheads.
O'Flathead, the great humorist, would have quite probably gotten
a chuckle out of the
rule suspending the game when
one player leads by more than 1241 points. The irony involved in
playing so long without a decision is the same type of humor
O'Flathead was noted for.
Oliver Wendell Flathead, a great jurist, handed down his decisions from the bench of the court in Flatheadia.
Phloid Flathead was the fifth king of the
Flathead Dynasty. He
came to the throne after Timberthrax, and was succeeded by Mumberthrax. He reigned from Egreth Castle
in the years 738-755.
Ralph Waldo Flathead (737 - 789 GUE) An unspoken Flathead family
motto was "quantity over quality," and no one demonstrated that
tenet better than Ralph Waldo. During his 40-plus years of putting pen to parchment, he wrote 912 novels, 4,000 short stories,
and an incredible 87,000 sonnets. His essays have never been
Ralph Waldo spent eleven years at
Antharia University, collecting a chestful of degress, including three doctorates: Doctor
of Idyllic Poetry, Doctor of Excellent Elegies, and Doctor of
Octameter Odes. He was very proud of his academic accomplishments, and always signed his name "Ralph Waldo Flathead, D.I.P.,
Fresh out of college and flush with the enthusiasm of youth,
Ralph Waldo wrote a series of lengthy essays which he hoped would
uplift the human spirit. Sadly and inexplicably, these essays
lifted little more than the profits of the Frobozz Magic Writing
Paper Company. The essays from this period include "On the Benefits of Keeping Ears Clean" and "Why Doorknobs are Necessary."
Also during this period, he wrote "On the Discoloration of Roadside Slush," but the manuscript was lost before it could be published, leaving Ralph Waldo disconsolate for years.
During his middle years, Ralph Waldo spent nearly half a
decade living in the granola mines of
Antharia. It was during
this period that he wrote his longest work, a 60,000-verse epic
about the varieties of moss that one finds in granola mines.
Toward the end of his life, Ralph Waldo specialized in exploring
related themes, as brilliantly demonstrated by the four sonnets
found by his deathbed:
Sonnet #87,177 "Ode to a Tiny Moist Avocado Pit"
Sonnet #87,178 "Ode to Another Tiny Moist Avocado Pit"
Sonnet #87,179 "Ode to Two Tiny Moist Avocado Pits"
Sonnet #87,180 "Ode to Two Still-Tiny-But-Less-Moist Avocado Pits"
Ralph Waldo died in 789 GUE. An autopsy revealed that the
cause of death was an overdose of avocados.
Thomas Alva Flathead (730 - 789 GUE) Many have mastered the magical
arts; few applied them to the creation of practical devices as
masterfully as the great inventor Thomas Alva Flathead.
His brilliance was evident even in childhood. Thomas Alva,
the sixth son in his family, was constantly tormented by his siblings: no sooner would he get a toy to play with than some older
brother would snatch it away. Thomas Alva quickly remedied the
situation by inventing powerful steel traps which, at first
glance, looked exactly like toy boats or stuffed
As an adult, Thomas Alva produced a seemingly endless stream
of inventions from his laboratory, Froblo Park. His most useful
inventions include the magic room spinner and the magic compressor, but he is probably best-known as the inventor of the battery-powered brass lantern.
Thomas Alva also made a number of breakthroughs in the area
of personally-ingested magic. His most famous invention in this
area was a yellowish-green potion which allowed humans to talk to
All of these inventions were marketed by FrobozzCo International, providing Thomas Alva with generous royalties. But he
spurned wealth, living in a small room behind his laboratory and
sleeping on an unfinished wooden board. Thomas Alva died in 789
GUE from a severe case of splinters.
Timberthrax Flathead was the fourth king of the
He came to the throne after Frobwit, and was succeeded by Phloid.
He reigned from Egreth Castle
in the years 727-738.
T. J. "Stonewall" Flathead (726 - 789) received his celebrated
nickname while serving as a Squire in the Royal Army during the
famous Battle of The Stonewall in 747 GUE. The Stonewall was a
strategically vital locale, commanding the two most important
When reports arrived that rebellious
natives had captured The Stonewall, T.J. Flathead and his garrison were assigned the mission of retaking it.
After a battle lasting seven weeks, during which T.J.'s men
suffered a casualty rate of nearly 75%, the garrison stormed The
Stonewall. Once in command of it, they discovered that the
reports had been erroneous: The Stonewall was completely undefended, and the supposedly rebellious natives were actually all
vacationing in the Gray Mountains. Nevertheless, T.J.'s tactics
and strategies during the battle were brilliant, and he would
henceforth be known as Stonewall Flathead.
Stonewall rose quickly through the ranks, and in 755 GUE he
became General of the Royal Army. During his 34 years in command,
he squelched three provincial rebellions and over 12,000 tax
riots. Fortunately, his unlimited conscription powers helped
mitigate the 98% casualty rate his army suffered during these
Stonewall died in 789 GUE during the Battle of Ragweed Gulch,
when he was accidentally shot by one of his own men.
Ursula Flathead The Miss Miznia of 878 GUE has been called the
"Sex Goddess of the Great Underground Empire." The editors would
be hard-pressed to disagree with the phrase, especially considering a series of posters showing Ursula in a suggestive pose,
wearing minimal cover.
Vanna Flathead is one of few members of the Flathead family who
could be called a sissy. Her name has become a part of the vernacular due to
players who invoke her name to mock their opponent's impotence.
Wurb Flathead, son of Idwit Oogle Flathead, was the twelfth and
final king in the Flathead dynasty. Born on Oracle 3rd, he
assumed the throne in 881, and his reign came to an abrupt end on
the 14th of Mumberbur, 883, when the
Curse of Megaboz, delayed
for 94 years, finally succeeded in destroying the reign of the
Wurb has been given bad press by those who feel that his
remarkable feeble-mindedness was responsible for the fall of the
Empire. The truth of the matter is that Dimwit Flathead's bad
policies caused Megaboz to cast his Curse, while Wurb did his
best to fight off his inevitable downfall. His most notable act
as king was to offer one half of the wealth of the kingdom to
anyone who could forestall the Curse. When this did nothing to
prevent the Empire's downfall, Wurb lost his throne and moved
Flatheadia was the capital of the Great Underground Empire from
770 GUE, when Lord Dimwit Flathead built his castle there, to the
fall of the Empire in 883. (The former seat of royal government
in the Westlands. Dimwit's love of
the Eastlands has
always been given as the main motive behind the capital's relocation.) Before 770, Flatheadia had been called Aragain. In a
surprisingly short amount of time, that small village was transformed and renamed, quickly becoming the center of civilization
as it was then known.
At its peak, the castle at Flatheadia housed 90% of the
Empire's population. The nearby village-turned-metropolis was
home to the Underground Revenue Service, the Postal Service, and
various temples and courts of law. The dominating feature of the
Flatheadia landscape after 781 was the 400-story FrobozzCo World
Headquarters Building, designed by Frank Lloyd Flathead. Much
like Egreth, its counterpart in the Westlands, Flatheadia was the
focus of all new underground tunneling and exploring in the area.
It is a well-known historical fact that splendor never lasts,
and this was indeed the case with Flatheadia. The population of
Flatheadia steadily declined after Dimwit's death in 789, due to
fears of the
of Megaboz. These fears became reality when,
in 883, the Curse that had been postponed 94 years succeeded in
destroying the Empire, and Flatheadia along with it. All that
remains of Flatheadia today is a simple white house.
The Twelve Flatheads As every student of history knows, the Twelve
Flatheads were the greater part of the Thirteen Significant
Accomplishments of King Mumberthrax the Insignificant. In the
immortal words of
the royal biographer: "Mumberthrax's
place in history was secured by the one thing at which
the Flatheads tended to excel: procreation. He sired twelve amazing children; twelve offspring who would transform the kingdom.
As these magnificent siblings grew in notoriety, as their vast
achievements became legendary, they became known as The Twelve
Flatheads." The first of the twelve, Dimwit, was born in 723, 25
years before the birth of the youngest, Babe. All of the twelve
were killed on 14 Mumberbur 789 as a result of the
Megaboz. Although several of the twelve bodies were never recovered, an underground crypt in
the Eastlands is advertised as
holding the mortal remains of the Twelve. This archaeological
dilemma has never been adequately solved, but it is commonly
believed that the crypt merely holds accurate models of the heads
of the Flatheads. Falsehood-in-advertising charges are currently
being investigated against the author of the following sign over
the crypt: "Here lie the Flatheads, whose heads were placed on
poles by the keeper of the Dungeon for amazing untastefulness."
More information on each of the Twelve can be found in the following specific entries: Dimwit, John D., T.J. "Stonewall",
Johann Sebastian, J. Pierpont, Thomas Alva, Leonardo, Lucrezia,
Ralph Waldo, John Paul, Frank Lloyd, and Babe Flathead.
Flathead Fjord The beautiful Flathead Fjord is an ocean inlet
which divides the great mountains of
the Eastlands into two
ranges: the Gray Mountains, on the north side of the fjord, and
the Flathead Mountains, south of the fjord. Leonardo Flathead
love to paint near the Fjord in his later years, and it is here
that he worked on his famous incomplete work, "Obstructed View of
Flathead Mountains This towering range in
the Eastlands runs
north to south, forming the eastern border of the Frigid River
Valley. Beyond the mountains, the Fenshire Swamp extends to the
edge of the world. Near the southern end of the range, the
Zorbel Pass permits passage
to the Fublio Valley. If mountain climbing
turns you on, the Flathead Mountains offer one of the best challenges anywhere.
The Flathead Ocean divides the world into
the Eastlands and the
Westlands. It was called the Great Sea until the time of Dimwit
Flathead, and it is still known by its earlier name in many parts
of the land. This Ocean has a very unusual feature - its western
shore basks in the sunlight, while its eastern shore lies far
Flathead Stadium, located just to the north of Anthar, is supposedly large enough to hold every man, woman, and child in
Quendor. The Stadium is often referred to as "The House That Babe
Built," a tribute to Babe Flathead's popularity as a gate
attraction. In fact Dimwit Flathead ordered the construction of
the stadium in 782 in Babe's honor. From that year onward a whole
range of sporting events were held in the stadium, including
tournaments, dragonfights, and shark-wrestling,
which led to Babe's death in 789. This tragedy did not prevent
the continuation of shark-wrestling every weekend during the summer.
Flathead, the urban planner, helped design the plans for The Evil
One to transform Festeron into Witchville.
Flood Control Dam #3 is a staggering engineering feat that must
be seen to be believed. It was constructed in year 783 of the
Great Underground Empire to harness the mighty Frigid River. This
work was supported by a grant of 37 million
zorkmids from the
local omnipotent tyrant of the era, Lord Dimwit Flathead the
Excessive. This impressive structure is composed of 370,000 cubic
feet of concrete, is 256 feet tall at the center, and 193 feet
wide at the top. The lake created behind the dam has a volume of
1.7 billion cubic feet, an area of 12 million square feet, and a
shore line of 36 thousand feet. A popular legend indicates that
Lord Dimwit had originally intended to name the dam FCD #2, an
entirely random designation, since there were no other such dams
Prince Foo was the last ruler of Pheebor and owner of the Phee
Helm, about 400 years before the reign of
Entharion. When Foo was
beheaded by someone he called an "eastern fop" from
glorious age of Pheebor ended, and Borphee rose to the prominence
it now enjoys.
Saint Foobus of Galepath, a legendary man said to have power over
lowly insects, has a holiday in his honor on 4 Oracle of each
year. One of the most obscure spots in the Great Underground
Empire is a cleverly hidden shrine to Foobus, deep underground in
This shrine holds a statue of the saint carved out
of the wall of the cave. The sculptor of the statue obviously
spent a lot more time on the statue than the saint deserved. It
is now known that Foobus achieved his powers over insects with
the aid of a magical elixir deadly to humans.
Jezbar Foolion wrote a history of
Duncanthrax's ascent to power
called The New Year's Revolt.
Lester Foozilbarmumboz is noted for his well-read book, G.U.E.
on Nine Zorkmids A Day, published in 873. This book is the source
of many population and distance figures quoted in this Encyclopedia.
Forburn the Wily,
champion, raised the level of
play in Double Fanucci championships the moment he was dealt his
cards. With a handicap of only 0.01, his greatest skill was drawing Trebled Fromps.
Forburn never formally studied magic, but won a spell book
from an unsuspecting G.U.E. Tech student in a 902 GUE Fanucci
match. Bringing new meaning to the word "chiseler" wherever he
went, his most famous saying was,
"The Encyclopedia Frobozzica
calls Double Fanucci a 'game played with cards.' I don't play
games; I don't play anything."
People acquainted with Double Fanucci know that there is a 79
point play named after Forburn himself, called the Forburn Chisel.
Fort Griffspotter once guarded the lands near
Egreth Castle from
attack by sea. The Fort was equipped with parade grounds, barracks, an armory, and remarkable cast-iron cannon emplacements.
In 665 the forces of
Duncanthrax vanquished the
at the famous battle of Fort Griffspotter. This battle gave Duncanthrax undisputed control over the Great Sea.
The Four Fantastic Flies of Famathria, each bigger and more succulent than the last, is a legend fabricated by a race of toad
creatures who once lived somewhere beyond the oceans of the
world. Seafarers reports that these toads were ugly, cantankerous, and eternally hungry. Like most legends, the tale of the
Four Flies has its roots in fact. Four Flies matching that
description were known to exist in
the Eastlands in 883 GUE, but
were eaten by Otto the Toad.
The Frigid River has the most severe currents and dangerous rapids known to man, and is without a doubt the mightiest river in
the Great Underground Empire. It forms at the spill-off of Flood
Control Dam #3, pours over
Aragain Falls, and finally empties
into the Great Sea at the southern end of the Frigid River Valley. The total length, from dam to river delta, is over 150
On the first day of summer in the days of the Empire,
crowds lined the banks of the Frigid River for a spectacular
sight: the annual opening of the floodgates of FCD #3.
The Frigid River Valley, a province of the Great Underground
Empire with a population of 98,330, encompasses the 15,322 square
which form the runoff basin of the Frigid River. Considered the backwater of the Great Underground Empire, this province
is difficult to get to, has very unpredictable weather, and has
virtually no local government to speak of. However, this province
is notable for the Flathead Mountains, the
Aragain Falls, the
Royal Museum, Flood Control Dam #3, and the location of Flatheadia, the former capital of the Empire.
Lorissa Frob wrote a book called Wouldn't It Be Fun To Live
Frobar is the most loyal and hard-working member of the
Guild of Enchanters.
However, he is somewhat dull and lacks imaginations. He will most likely never become head of the Circle of
Frobizzan Moss is the official flower of the Gray Mountains Province.
Uncle Frobizzmus is the author of a history of the fall of the
Great Underground Empire called So You Want To Sack an Empire.
Froblo Park was the laboratory of Thomas Alva Flathead, located
near Flatheadia Castle in
the Eastlands. It was here that he
invented a seeminly endless stream of devices, including a magic
room spinner, a magic compressor, a magic shape-changer, and a
battery-powered brass lantern.
Frobolli Cakes are a popular
Borphee dessert made by flinging
bits of dough into a hot oven.
Frobozz, an ancient province in the northern part of the Westlands, is the site of many historic settlements such as Galepath,
Mareilon, and the Castle Largoneth. This province of Frobozz
corresponds roughly to the Kingdom of Quendor during the reign of
Entharion. After the downfall of the kingdom in 883, the entire
area came to be referred to as the Land of Frobozz, after its
J.B. Frobozz Although history tells us that FrobozzCo has its
origins in a company formed by
it is popularly
believed that it was really founded by a J.B. Frobozz, whose
motto was "Sell Good Magical Aids."
FrobozzCo International is a vast conglomerate of thousands upon
thousands of companies. It can trace its origin to the Frobozz
Magic Cave Company, which was formed at the behest of King Duncanthrax in 668 GUE. (Please see entry on J.B. Frobozz) Affiliated companies, such as the Frobozz Magic Dirt Disposal Company,
and the Frobozz Magic Underground Sewer Installation Company,
soon followed. The same year, FrobozzCo International was formed
as a parent company for the burgeoning subsidiaries. By 743,
there were more than 17,000 subsidiaries.
That same year, a young entrepreneur named John D. Flathead
graduated from the venerable
Borphee Business School.
John D. founded Flathead Industries to invent other companies, which it
would then sell to FrobozzCo. Within three years, Flathead
Industries had an annual income of 80 million
zorkmids. Eventually, the
conglomerate decided to buy FI, renaming it the Frobozz
Magic Company Company.
Once John D. became one of FrobozzCo's 39,000 vice-presidents
he was quickly able to become Chairman of the Board, as eventually would nine generations of his descendants. When John D.'s
older brother Dimwit became king, FrobozzCo received every contract for Dimwit's incredible projects. Hundreds of new subsidiaries were formed daily; in the year 778 18,000 additional companies were formed or taken over. FrobozzCo, whose company motto
is "You name it, we do it," was able to proclaim that it produced
everything from aardvarks to zwieback. John D. Flathead's longtime goal was for FrobozzCo to control every single zorkmid of
commerce in the Great Underground Empire. This was realized in
789 when the lone holdout, a small rutabaga farm in Mithicus,
finally sold out to FrobozzCo.
This financial explosion led to the construction by the Magic
Cave Company of a huge 400-story company headquarters in Flatheadia in the year 781. This building, designed by Frank Lloyd
Flathead, was easily the tallest, most impressive building in all
of Quendor. However, it would not stand forever. In 883 the
of Megaboz destroyed Flatheadia, forcing FrobozzCo to relocate
their headquarters to
It is interesting to note that the first
Dungeon Master, who
indirectly caused the destruction of the Flatheadia headquarters,
was rewarded by Megaboz with a controlling share of FrobozzCo's
stock. Despite this puzzling political situation FrobozzCo
thrived right up through the end of the Age of Magic. In fact the
company made a killing in the fall of 966 by issuing a Special
Crisis Edition of their Magic Catalog to convince people that
even at a time when magic was failing, FrobozzCo wouldn't fail
them. In this catalog they proclaimed the official FrobozzCo
business philosophy: "Sell good magical aids at a reasonable
profit, treat your customers like super enchanters, and they'll
always come back for more."
Frobwit the Flatter was the third king of the
Flathead Dynasty, ruling the kingdom from
Egreth Castle during the years 701-727
GUE. Frobwit's reign is noted mainly for a flourishing of the
Thaumaturgic science. During this period the first reliable magic
wand was produced.
Fromps are a suit of cards in the game of
Froon Legends of this magical kingdom date back before the reign
of Entharion the Wise
(0-41 GUE). Froon was the setting for a
series of beloved children's books by L. Frank Fzort, and later
became a successful movie musical starring Judy Garlic.
In the year 966 a humble peasant-turned-adventurer discovered
that there is truth behind the Froon legend. This adventurer had
the odd experience of being transported by a tornado to Froon, a
place where apparently no one is taller than two feet. Quite by
accident the adventurer won the gratitude of the natives by killing the Heeled One, a boot who had tormented the people of Froon
for over 300 years. For accomplishing this feet, Grope, Mayor of
the City of Froon, offered the adventurer one of three of the
keys to the Kingdom of Froon. These sparse details are all that
is known of this strange, hidden land.
Frostham is the capital of the Gray Mountains Province.
Quizbo Frotzwit was the Managing Foreman of the Rockville
Fublio Valley was once a richly verdant area at the southern tip
of the Flathead Mountains that was defoliated in the eighth century. In the year 789, Lord Dimwit Flathead ordered the destruction of 1,400 square
bloits, or 400,000 acres, of Fublio Valley
forest to make way for an immense nine-bloit-high statue of himself. Only recently has the area begun to return to normal
because of this.
Fublio Valley is also noted for a rock quarry, and the fact
that for some odd reason it has always been a favorite spot for
wizards (such as Megaboz, Gumboz and Korboz) who enjoy a hermitic
lifestyle. These wizards have used the Valley as a site to practice their magical/religious rituals involving stone cairns.
Fublio Valley was also probably the home of the painter Frobesius
Frobesius Fublius was a painter who specialized in rebuses. A
mysterious figure, he reputedly lived near
Zorbel Pass and vanished toward
the end of the eighth century. Recent historians
have speculated that Fublius and the enchanter Megaboz were one
and the same. Both lived near Zorbel and vanished in the same
time period. Even more compelling is the discovery that Fublius'
rebuses revealed facts about Megaboz that only Megaboz himself
could have known.
Fungus A class of saprophytic parasitical plants which lack
chlorophyll and are frequently found in the less hygienic cavities of brogmoids.
Furbish A professional athletic sports game played by Babe
Harmonious Fzort was the seventh king of the
reigning from Largoneth in the years 451-477. He came to the
throne after Zilbo II, and was succeeded by
L. Frank Fzort The author of a series of beloved children's
books set in the magical kingdom of Froon.
Thaddium Fzort was the ninth king of the
reigning from Largoneth in the years 481-545. Thaddium was also
the one-time owner of the Crocodile's Tear. He came to the throne
after Bozbo II, and was succeeded by Mumbo I.
S. Fzortbar drew the blueprints to the Rockville Estates in the
year 880 GUE.
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